Navigating the Complex Terrain of Social Expectations and Authentic Self-Expression

4-minute read time
Gogo Isolezwe (they/ them)
sangoma, gender anarchist and pawparent queering life

Indulge me for a moment. What is respectability politics in a world with a world narrative that radicalises Black people, Queer persons, Trans persons, poor people and those with other’d socio-political identities?
A manipulation tool and power play.

Power exists in every relationship, it's an irrefutable truth. Power is illustrated in the ways we engage and relate to each other, and more importantly the core of our society, children. In this way, we become almost dogmatic in how we socially condition children and even ourselves into ‘acting right’. Respectability politics is a silencing tool that regulates how intersecting structural issues are addressed.

Prescribed behaviourisms are informed by holders of power, their notions of right and wrong are controlled by ideologies that find their foundations in patriarchy, racism, elitism, misogyny, sexism, ableism and other oppressive -isms. 

I grow up in a community where speaking up for yourself is radical, out of place, unchartered territory. How much of the discourse of respectability can a 13-year-old fit in their body to explain to their teacher, or parent, when we don't give them the space to explore and ideate what that means for themselves? Skewed to holders of power, respectability results in socio-political survival. We tug and tear at youth agency to fit the mould. The social conditioning of children and you too reading this piece is measured by the yardstick of conditioned behaviour. 

Each stage of growth is an experience of self-determination. The concept of justice ruminates in my mind as I lean into the journey of self-actualisation. History is telling, justice is prescribed based on the experiences and understandings of the empowered giving little to no regard for the multidimensions of the experiences of those other’d. Respectability is the hand that informs the goalpost of those who control the means of production. 

In today’s prevailing state of coloniality, the reclamation and redefinition of justice in the Afrikan feminist discourse centres on; transformation, restoration, abolition, and decolonisation. This radical framework allows those who find themselves at the margins of; race, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, physical ability, language, immigration status, and class the space to participate and be protected in society as full citizens. 

The explicit framing of justice in this light gives us the language to frame our experiences in all its nuances, taking in our whole selves, not in fragments as phrases such Black first (a term often used in liberatory movements where race is seen as a primary marginalising identity marker) would suggest and instead refocuses to Black and-- in equal measure to develop intersectional approaches to justice. Resting in the words of Makhatini (2018: 195), “I am all the way here for it. I am here for fat women, [racially and ethnically disadvantaged folk], trans women and disabled women”. 

Let's be real, school is an institution, that ascribes and becomes a microcosm of the world we live in.  Justice as a response to respectability in institutions of learning, becomes the systemic change that creates a safe haven and soft landing for youth. Now hear me out – imagine if we effectively engaged agency and centred the safety of children despite respectability politics that only serve in the power. We must prioritise systemic change over respectability politics if we have any hope of Get(ting) Out. 

Questions to ponder:

1. What behaviors do you exhibit in order to feel respected?

2. How might respectability politics increase barriers to opportunities for some?

3. How might respectability politics play out in the classroom?